MY MIND...
Please... Enter... join me... im over here...
[whistle] hey stupid.. over here.... stop getting distracted by other going on's in my mind.. sheesh...
O.K, now that your finally here... well done... maybe i can start telling you what is on my mind... and no, dont mind the uber sexy sun-bakers... that is standard procedure in this mindhole... i want to tell you a fearful story of survival!! Man vs Wild...
In my role as a ambassador of all things adventurous and awesome... i almost had a head on collision with death this morning, but instead of sharing this close shave on facebook so people who arent my friends but are just curious to see what i look like with my top off could comment something utterly oblivious and regretfully low in humour i have decided to blog it to all my blog stalkers from france and canada and those porn searching viagra humpers from the home of hearts attacks.. yes, you america... [also notice that i didnt place a capital infront of any of your countries names? its because i dont like you and would prefer you didnt visit my blog] but back to my story...
On a warm morning, with birds chirping and interstate trains chugging past my house with noise levels comparable to butchers blade saws... i visited my letterbox... a completely pointless daily task seeing as i never get mail or bills and no one knows where i live... but i digress... on the rare days where mail in my name arrives and is placed by the hi-vis stalk that is the post man of my cabbage patch, i wonder on out in the hope that i beat those bloody hungry snails to my mail... and today was a day that i did beat the snails... infact.. it was quiet on the snail front this morning.. a little too quiet... sooooo....
TO MY GREAT DISMAY, AS I MAN-FULLY AND STRONGLY PLUNGED MY HAND INTO THE DARK ABYSS THAT RESIDES HIDDEN MAIL TREASURES, I SOON CAME TO REALISE WHY THE SNAILS WHERE NO LONGER.... DUN DUN DAAAAAAAA....
A big motherf-ing redback spider had taken up roost in my amply spaced condominium letterbox with penthouse position views over the road.... so as my blistered and axe man hand retreated from the letterbox with its daily prize in the mail draw... it came with a bonus DEADLY F-ING spider as well... so without a moment of fear for the spider on my hand.. [ok, maybe i blurted out a noise similar to a scream] but either way i hit my own hand with my other hand so hard im still red and sore... and i had dead redback dna jizzed all over my wrist... so in closing.. never go to your letterbox alone.. shit is wild in the world now... deadly predators lay in wait for the awesome to nonchalantly place themselves in harms way.. lucky ninja instincts took over!!!
R.I.P MOTHERF#CKER!!! you got bitch slapped!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. you were nearly defeated by a spider. i miss u
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