Make your bed and sleep in it.

I ponder, its like my thoughts are a dripping tap that has some plumbing issues and i just cant stop! my thoughts are diverse and to me quite interesting, hence them being my thoughts. I use this as a technique to pass the time most commonly, as i dont have a hectic lifestyle what so ever and im not to fond of conversations! My diary is full if i see one friend a week, its all i need for the week to be a success, i guess im a low maintainence loner? I have 4 solid friends and its all i actually need in life, i prefer it this way instead of 100 acquaintances that i am none too impressed or familiar with, i can only place trust 4 people at once, anymore and i just dont like life.
So as i was pondering today why i live this way, i wondered what it would be like to switch gears and go friend crazy! would i be happier? with 50 friends would i get more from life? what am i trying to get FROM life? i often think the only way to improve my life is to win lotto, but since that isnt going to happen no need to place all my eggs in that basket! I just wonder if i could be more in the world? its a puzzling mixture of different predicaments that has made me what i am today. Jacked up family and interesting teenage years somewhat formed an introverted yet somewhat confident individual who relies on no one for anything, yet i dont know if i want too? or should? is it right or wrong? is there a right or wrong? I live like a loner yet i am still capable of being socially acceptable.
I guess i just want to be happy. I dont want for much, i dont know what my exact needs are either?? I seem to bring myself as much joy as i need to get by, but i think i could aim for more.
Do i ever want to fall in love? or do i feel like i lose some control of my life if i get close to someone? I couldnt commit to a 24 month phone plan cause i lose freedom of life choices, i hate being locked into something, i feel like i always needs a back door to escape from situations. So am i doing myself a dis-service by not being like others? the "normal" people of the world, is the grass greener on the side? I think i only live life to 50% of what i could do... if i was a bed i would be like this... basic, no fuss, not impressive, useful.

 

But i need some goals dont I? humans love achieving sh#t! I have alot of things to offer i feel, i am not dumb and not suffering from any of lifes disadvantages. I would say im a bit of a jack of all trades, so i know im not a failure but i am not blitzing life. I guess i have an inner creativity that is always begging to be let out, so i am only learning now what skills they are, im still young enough to do whatever i want in life, i guess i should look to adding another feather to the bow which is life, making myself more "something"? dont know what but i can be, what ever my heart desires i presume... So if the saying goes "you make your bed and sleep in it" i can only continue to learn from choices, mistakes and the like and try to be happy each and everyday... one day my bed might look like this? AWESOME!